they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
