Define "chronic" masturbator.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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