I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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