all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
