Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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