dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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