"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
