I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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