Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She bit a glass in half.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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