It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can you bring me the toilet please
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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