Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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