R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
