Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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