Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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