I just made out with a guy for $7.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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