my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
