I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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