apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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