how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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