he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
