I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
