Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
