Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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