shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
