My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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