youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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