wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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