Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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