just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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