Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You are a genius and a whore.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
