He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
