weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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