So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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