Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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