its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
