Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
