I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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