i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
