guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
