I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
