I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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