...so i touched it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
