i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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