I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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