we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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