I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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