i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I cut my penus on the lid.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
