We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
