i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
