I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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