is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
